Truth be told, I'm not sure excactly HOW to feel about this. See, Sunday morning my older sister texted me, asking me to do something, figuring she texted the wrong person, I asked what she was talking about, and thus began just a rotten day. Some background: I have a total of 7 nephews and 1 niece, making a total of 11 grandchildren for my parents in our family. Of them, 3 are younger than my oldest, the rest are MUCH older, fairly close to my age of 34. The youngest of them, Jason, turned 26 in August. At age 3, he was diagnosed at a type 1 diabetic, and lived with and dealt with it for the last 23 years of his life. He was an angry boy, who grew up into an angry man, he never really took very good care of himself, he drank, smoked, and generally lived REALLY hard, and he never really took much responsibilty for himself or his actions (though in fairness to him, he did his best to help his sons' mother when he could), but, since his family lived with my family when he was growing up, he was MY baby, you know? Anyway, about 2 years ago, Jason got sick (I think it started as pneumonia and wend downhill from there) and ended up in a coma for several weeks. Since then, his health was failing, and failing fast. Then, this past Saturday, he wasn't feeling good again, and so his father (my older brother) told him to go to the hospital. Jason refused, said he wouldn't go, he couldn't do it anymore, that he just wanted to be allowed to go. He said he was tired, and just wanted it all to stop. Sunday morning, his parents found him dead in the living room. Apparently he dies peacefully in his sleep, though no one was actually prepared to let him go. Everyone knew he was going to go, he'd been having problems ever since he came out of the hospital after the coma, but I don't think anyone was actually ready for him to go. Does that make sense? Nothing seems to make sense to me anymore. He had 2 beautiful little boys that he should have watched grow up, but now he's not going to be there for them. Sure, they have grandfathers and Jason's older brother, but that's not the same! The funeral is on Saturday, and we're all going. I have barely spoken to that side of the family (specifically my half-sister and half-brother) in about 10 years. Jason was the only one I talked to, because he was the only one I liked. And now he's gone. I'll never see one of his myspace surveys, which really made me laugh, or get a random comment of a snarky/ sarcastic nature again. I just don't know how I'm suppose to feel anymore...